


In Reality

by kuhlaine



Series: Never Read the Comments / The Youtube Chef Klaine AU [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Background Samcedes, Daddies!Klaine, Fluff, M/M, chef!klaine, famous!klaine, youtube!klaine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:09:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25470664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuhlaine/pseuds/kuhlaine
Summary: The Internet is convinced that Kurt and Blaine Anderson-Hummel are on the brink of divorce - but the truth is far from what their fans expected.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Series: Never Read the Comments / The Youtube Chef Klaine AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794505
Comments: 28
Kudos: 194





	In Reality

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy and welcome to what I'm officially declaring the last installment in this series! Special shout out to HKVoyage and 1gleefan1 whose prompts helped this last installment come together!

** Pro Chefs Try Making Bread Out of Beer | New Directions Spotlight: Meet Sam Evans! **

Uploaded September 9, 2022

2,349,0314 views | 1,623 comments | 43k likes 184 dislikes

> _It’s a sad day to be gluten free :(_
> 
> _I hereby decree this ship: Blam_
> 
> _Does anyone get Justin Bieber vibes from Sam?_
> 
> _This is the only beer product that has rights_
> 
> _Not gonna lie, I’m lowkey in love with Sam already_
> 
> _Is it uh……. bad that I think Blaine and Sam have amazing chemistry together?_
> 
> _Mercedes is def pretending to like that nasty ass bread just to be nice_
> 
> _Inch resting that we don’t see kurt at all in this video……._
> 
> _Something looks different about Rachel? Did she change up her hair?_
> 
> _Adorable nerdy hot boyfriends? Adorable nerdy hot boyfriends._
> 
> _I love this duo!!! More Sam/Blaine vids please!_
> 
> _Wtf why are people shipping Blaine and Sam??? Blaine is literally married_
> 
> _Anyone know if sam is single? Asking for a friend….._
> 
> _Omg Rachel’s sundress is SO cute I love her new wardrobe!!_
> 
> _Like for Klaine! :)_
> 
> _PLEASE DO A WHOLE SERIES OF SAM COOKING SOUTHERN FOOD PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE_
> 
> _Can people please shut the fuck up about Blam Blaine is fucking married for christ’s sake_

* * *

“Pick your tongue up off the floor ‘Cedes – it’s not a cute look,” Kurt chastises, never bothering to look up from his notepad. He doesn’t need to, he’s confident Mercedes is still gazing helplessly at the test kitchen’s latest hire.

“Shut up,” she snaps, her cheeks warm as she spins her stool around to face Kurt properly. She taps her fingers on the marble countertop, biting her lip nervously as she leans in to whisper, “Do you think he’s single?”

Kurt shrugs, crossing shallots off of the list of ingredients he still needs the intern to pick up. “Why don’t you find out for yourself?” he asks with a raised eyebrow, nudging his head towards where Sam and Blaine are chatting animatedly on the opposite side of the room.

“Because what if he isn’t!” Mercedes snaps, sending a wary look over her shoulder.

“Then you move on, and find someone else to crush on. I hear Mike’s single again,” Kurt replies calmly.

“I do _not_ have a crush,” she insists, frowning when Kurt gives her a knowing look in response. “Shut up,” she repeats, smacking his arm before turning her attention back to Sam.

Kurt pushes aside his notepad for the time being, twisting his stool to follow Mercedes’ gaze. Sam has certainly made quite a name for himself in his first few weeks in the test kitchen. Audiences love him, though that hadn’t come as much of a surprise – he’s objectively handsome, single, and he can cook Southern comfort food. In short: he’s perfect.

What _had_ been surprising was how close Blaine and Sam had become in the few weeks since Sam joined the team. Though, Kurt’s not all that surprised that Blaine’s made himself a new friend. Blaine’s the proud chair of the New Directions Test Kitchen Welcome Committee. He never fails to make everyone feel at home in the kitchen – he’s one of the friendliest faces to ever grace the kitchen. But he and Sam are kindred spirits.

It’s a relief, actually. Kurt’s always felt the slightest bit guilty about not getting the same pleasure out of science fiction and fantasy that Blaine does. He humors him, of course – he’ll always support his husband in whatever it is he’s interested in, but Blaine finding someone who shares those passions as intensely as he does is a welcome weight off of Kurt’s shoulders.

Though he’d be lying if he didn’t admit how amusing he finds the rumors that Sam and Blaine’s connection is anything more than platonic. He knows better than to delve too far into the theories people come up with in the comment section of their videos, but this particular theory was too good not to follow up on.

“Are you aware that the Internet is convinced you’re cheating on me with Sam?” Kurt announces that night, smirking at the confused look on his husband’s face.

“Seriously?” he asks, eyes scrunching up in disbelief.

“Mhm,” Kurt hums, sliding his laptop across the couch to Blaine.

Blaine skims the first few comments, rolling his eyes before setting Kurt’s laptop aside. He curls up against Kurt’s side, nuzzling into the crook of his neck and shamelessly running his thumb along Kurt’s wedding band.

“I _have_ had my eye on a certain chef,” he teases, pressing quick kisses along Kurt’s jaw. “I’ve always had a weakness for brunettes,” he adds as his kisses trail up to that sweet spot right behind Kurt’s ear.

“Is that so?” Kurt replies with a cheeky grin, leaning in to the press of Blaine’s lips.

All Blaine does is hum, pulling Kurt in by the waist until he’s pulled him flat along the couch. Kurt gently pushes at Blaine’s shoulder once he feels Blaine rucking up his shirt. Blaine pulls away from his neck in confusion, eyes already lust blown and cheeks flushed that pretty shade of pink that always drives Kurt wild.

“You should introduce Sam to Mercedes,” Kurt suggests, already just the slightest bit breathless.

“They already know each other?” Blaine retorts in confusion.

“I know, I know,” Kurt says quickly, just as eager to get back to what they were doing as Blaine is. “I mean… you know, _introduce_ her,” he emphasizes.

Blaine’s eyes light up as he finally puts the pieces together, lips forming a silent O. “Got it,” he says slowly, nodding in understanding. He remains silent, sheepishly releasing the hem of Kurt’s shirt, pulling back just slightly when Kurt reaches out to grab him lightly by the arm.

“You were saying something about a weakness for brunettes?” he asks with a coy smirk before leaning in to crash their lips together.

* * *

** Rachel Makes Vegan Bacon | From the Test Kitchen **

Uploaded December 14, 2022

2,947,846 views | 2,513 comments | 53k likes 224 dislikes

> _RACHEL IS PREGNANT?!!!!_
> 
> _I’m honestly usually wary of Rachel’s vegan recipes but this looks SO good_
> 
> _Sam and Mercedes are certainly looking ‘comfy’ over there in the background..._
> 
> _Omg she’s glowing, I’m so happy for her I love her so much :’)_
> 
> _Santana actually being nice to Rachel? Hell has literally frozen over_
> 
> _I don’t wanna judge but… didn’t Rachel just say she was single like a month ago?_
> 
> _Everyone being so kind and gentle around Rachel and her lil belly is so heartwarming_
> 
> _No one: Me: *tries to figure out how Quinn could’ve gotten Rachel pregnant*_
> 
> _This feels like a direct attack on Tina’s 17 Ways to Cook Bacon video from two weeks ago_
> 
> _Eeeeee this is gonna be the first ever New Directions Test Kitchen Baby!!!_
> 
> _Rachel’s pregnant, Sam and Mercedes might be together, Santana and Brittany finally got hitched, Kurt and Blaine might me getting divorced - WHY DOES THE TEST KITCHEN HAVE SO MUCH DRAMA THIS YEAR_
> 
> _Guys, Rachel didn’t actually confirm that she was pregnant, please stop speculating until she says something!_
> 
> _Does anyone know where I can find the brand of liquid smoke from this vid? It’s not on Amazon :/_
> 
> _Petition to bring back Mercedes’ tater tot series!!!!_
> 
> _Rachel being pregnant is NOT gonna stop my Faberry loving ass_

* * *

“The world thinks I’m fat,” Rachel moans as she throws herself down at her desk.

“Rachel, you’re pregnant,” Blaine reassures as he hovers around her nervously. She’s been huffing and puffing and storming around the office since she first got in that morning, stomping through the halls like a wrecking ball.

“That doesn’t mean I’m not fat,” she replies, crossing her arms childishly as she kicks off her flats and props her feet up on the filing cabinet beside her desk.

“You’re fat with child,” is Kurt’s contribution, but his attempt at humor isn’t well received.

“See! You said it yourself – fat!” she protests, pointing a finger accusingly at Kurt.

“What he means, Rach,” Blaine intervenes, stepping between Kurt and Rachel. “Is that you’re growing because the baby’s growing, that’s all.”

Rachel pouts, tapping her fingers along the swell of her belly. “Still,” she mumbles.

Blaine sighs, shooting Kurt a wary look as he steps out from behind Blaine, kneeling down at Rachel’s side.

“Would some chocolate cake from Peacefood Cafe make you feel better?” he asks calmly, resting his hand on top of Rachel’s.

Rachel bites her lip, considering the offer. “Can we get soy nuggets and chickpea fries too?” she asks, looking from Kurt to Blaine and back hopefully.

“Of course,” Kurt assures, gripping Rachel’s hand and helping her hoist herself out of her chair.

“Alright, alright,” Rachel concedes, grunting as she grips her stomach carefully. “Let me just run to the bathroom. She’s decided it’s time to practice her tap routine over my bladder,” she says with a moan before waddling off towards the bathroom.

“How do you always know just the right thing to say?” Blaine asks, smirking at the look of relief written all over his husband’s face.

Kurt shrugs. “Fatherly instinct,” he replies with a wink.

They grab their coats and bags and happily indulge Rachel’s cravings for the remainder of the afternoon - even sending her home with a box of the vegan glazed donuts she was eyeing all throughout lunch, just in case she gets hungry in the middle of the night.

“You guys, this is too much!” Rachel protests as they push the box towards her.

But they insist. It’s the least they can do for the soon-to-be-mother of their child.

* * *

** The Flash’s Sebastian Smythe Tries to Keep Up With a Professional Chef | Back to Back Chef **

Uploaded January 18, 2022

2,138,455 views | 1,829 comments | 55k likes 137 dislikes

> _Sebastian’s knife holding technique hurts my soul oooof_
> 
> _Kurt looks so upset in this vid, I hope everything’s okay for him and Blaine D:_
> 
> _This might be the first time in Back to Back Chef history that the celeb dish looks better than Blaine’s dish_
> 
> _Why was Sebastian drinking Courvoisier like it was ‘mother’s milk’ when he was fifteen??_
> 
> _Sebastian looks at Blaine the way I look at the last slice of pizza_
> 
> _I feel really bad for Kurt :(_
> 
> _Can someone keep Sebastian and his fancy knife tricks away from pregnant angel Rachel Berry please!!!_
> 
> _So Sebastian Smythe is 1) hot as fuck 2) a talented actor 3) can speak French fluently and 4) is apparently a bomb chef? Is there anything this guy can’t do?_
> 
> _Props to Blaine for admitting defeat on this one - Sebastian blew him out of the water_
> 
> _Awwww Rachel confirmed she’s pregnant! She must be due in February or March :)_
> 
> _Can Sebastian come back for another guest appearance? Pretty please!_
> 
> _Like for Klaine!_
> 
> _Sebastian wrapping his arm around Blaine’s waist? I pretend I do not see it_
> 
> _Guys I’m really worried about Kurt and Blaine - they haven’t been in any videos together for the past four months, there was all that shit with the Blam shippers, and now this vid…. I just don’t know anymore…._

* * *

“He’s really handsome, isn’t he?” Kurt does his best to hide his malice and contempt as he continues to pound out a chicken breast with far too much force.

“Who?” Blaine replies absentmindedly, too focused on the various bolts, knobs, and slabs of wood he has spread out all over the floor to pay Kurt much mind.

“Sebastian Smythe,” Kurt clarifies, knuckles whitening around the handle of his knife as he moves on to chopping up a carrot.

“Oh. Sure,” he replies casually, reaching for the instruction manual for the hundredth time. “Why?”

“Just looked like you two really hit it off.” Kurt attempts to keep his voice calm and casual, but his shoulders begin to tighten at the mere thought of Sebastian Smythe.

He hadn’t thought of Sebastian as a threat at first. Sebastian was hardly the biggest name to stop by the test kitchen, and Blaine has never been the type to get starstruck. Blaine had never so much as mentioned Sebastian before his Back to Back Chef appearance. Plus, Kurt had already dealt with scrapping Blaine off the floor after he’d met his all time celebrity crush, Adam Levine, last year, jokingly reminding Blaine that their celebrity fantasy list was _just_ a fantasy. He’d been through the worst already. Or so he thought.

Blaine’s crush on Adam Levine may have tripled in size the day they finally met in person, but at least Adam hadn’t returned Blaine’s affections. Sebastian Smythe, on the other hand, had nothing but affection for Blaine. It had taken all of Kurt’s strength to maintain utmost professionalism as he watched Sebastian run a hand dangerously low along Blaine’s back. Kurt nearly lost his middle finger when he’d looked up from his cutting board to see Sebastian leaning in to whisper in his husband’s ear with a smirk that made his intentions _very_ clear.

“He’s out there, but a pretty cool guy overall,” Blaine replies, groaning as he realizes he’s been looking at the directions upside down this entire time.

Kurt hums in reply, still quietly fuming - only to yelp in surprise as he accidentally knocks his wrist against the side of the sizzling frying pan, muttering a series of curses under his breath as he rushes to run his wrist under the tap.

“You okay?” Blaine asks as he quickly sprints to Kurt’s side, gently dabbing at the harsh, reddened skin of his wrist with a dishtowel. Cooking injuries are all too common in their home - they know the routine like the backs of their hands.

“M’fine,” Kurt mumbles, turning back to the stove when Blaine slides a hand in front of him, switching off the burner.

“Something’s bothering you,” he insists, crossing his arms as he leans against the counter.

Kurt attempts to shake off Blaine’s concerns, turning back to the cutting board instead, but his husband knows him better than that. He slides in closer to Kurt, swiping the knife out of his hand before he can cause himself any further bodily harm. “Talk to me,” he presses, setting the knife and cutting board aside.

Kurt pouts, feeling uncharacteristically shy now that he has Blaine’s full attention. It feels childish, worrying over someone like Sebastian. He and Blaine are good - they’re more than good, they’re _fantastic._ Blaine is the best, most solid and stable thing Kurt’s ever had in his life, he _knows_ that - Blaine makes sure of it by telling him how much he loves him everyday. If he had enough breath he would tell him every second. But sometimes Kurt lets himself give in to fears and doubts - he’s only human after all.

“I… I didn’t like the way Sebastian was… putting his hands all over you.” It’s an oversimplification of the matter - Kurt didn’t like _anything_ about what Sebastian was doing when he was with Blaine. He didn’t like his voice, or the look in his eyes, or that devious, smarmy little smirk he wore while he watched Blaine bend over to pick up a utensil he’d dropped. He doesn’t like Sebastian. Period.

Blaine nods, reaching out and offering his hand until Kurt takes it. “You know that Sebastian doesn’t mean anything to me, right?” he asks with a quirked eyebrow.

“I know,” Kurt answers begrudgingly. “I know it’s stupid, I just **—** ”

“It’s not stupid,” Blaine interrupts, squeezing Kurt’s hand reassuringly. “He made you uncomfortable - and understandably so, he was a little…”

“Handsy,” Kurt finishes for him.

“Hands on,” Blaine corrects with a teasing smile. “But I want you to know that you can always come to me when you’re feeling uncomfortable,” Blaine reiterates earnestly. “Nothing is ever stupid if it bothers you.”

Kurt nods, cheeks flushing as he lets Blaine pull him in, wrapping his arms tight around his middle before kissing him slowly. It’s exactly what he needs, Blaine crowding his space, flooding his senses - the best reminder that Blaine is _his._

“I thought you said you had a thing for brunettes,” Kurt teases as they pull apart.

Blaine chuckles softly, shaking his head. “Mainly just one brunette,” he amends.

Kurt grins, pulling Blaine in for another kiss, and then another and another. They let themselves get carried away, putting dinner and crib assembly on hold as they dash off to the bedroom, giggling like teenagers. They take their time, dragging things out perhaps longer than they should - but they savor every second. They only have so long until they have someone new to share their love with.

* * *

** The New Directions Make Baby Cupcakes | New Directions Spotlight: Meet Tracey Anderson Hummel! **

Uploaded April 29, 2023

3,908,921 views | 3,930 comments | 67k likes 155 dislikes

> KLAINE BABY KLAINE BABY KLAINE BABY
> 
> _Klainers have been so well fed over the past three years holy shit_
> 
> _Baby Tracey is the cutest baby to ever baby_
> 
> _Does anyone know if Kurt or Blaine is the dad?_
> 
> _How could anyone dislike this?! IT’S LITERALLY A VIDEO ABOUT A BABY_
> 
> _Was anyone else super nervous that Tina would drop Tracey?_
> 
> _She has Kurt’s eyes and Blaine’s curls!!!_
> 
> _Omg Klaine’s baby and Rachel’s baby can go on playdates!!!!_
> 
> _Sure I’m biased, but Tracey may be the most beautiful baby of all time_
> 
> _Klaine nation how are we feeling today?_
> 
> _Mercedes just posted a new pic of her and Tracey on insta! She’s Tracey’s godmomma!!!_
> 
> _Santana actually warming up to Tracey and holding her and smiling at Britt warms my cold little heart holy shit_
> 
> _Such a sweet and adorable little family - god bless!_
> 
> _Remember when we got to see the moment Kurt and Blaine met? And now we get to meet their baby girl..._
> 
> _WAIT WAIT WAIT ONE FUCKING MINUTE……….. WAS RACHEL THEIR SURROGATE?!_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for joining me on this fun little journey! I hope you enjoyed :)


End file.
